• ELIXHER
• On January 8, 2014

By L’lerrét Jazelle Ailith

If you’re a womanist or feminist and you got a chance to read The Huffington Post article “11 ‘Girly’ Things Men Wish They Could Do Without Judgment,” then you probably were a bit outraged and insulted. If you were able to watch the YouTube video posted by Dude Panel entitled “What Is Femininity and Why Is It Attractive?” you probably were left open-mouthed and speechless.

The Huffington Post piece recapped a thread on Reddit that asked men, “What girly thing do you really want to do or try but it is socially unacceptable?” Responses included ordering “girly” drinks and crying in public.

The YouTube clip took an overly simplistic (and ludicrous) look at femininity and masculinity: “Femininity is who are before you started to take on all those masculine traits. If you are born a woman, you are naturally going to take on feminine traits… Don’t be a dude, be you.” (Don’t believe me? Check it out yourself.)

Why are we still living in an age where a woman’s identity is equated to femininity, which has become synonymous with inferiority and submissiveness? The understanding of femininity as qualities that exude docile and dainty behavior has been widely accepted in American culture for a very long time. The problem is how we operate through a gendered lens.

Gender is seen specifically as linear and rigid and we are socialized to accept that femininity is of a woman’s identity and masculinity is of a man’s identity. The problem lies in the fact that we operate in a patriarchal, androcentric society so women and their qualities are deemed inferior in the grand scheme of things. Since a man’s identity is the dominating construct, men compete to be the top dog. They operate under this idea of hegemonic masculinity which assumes rigid guidelines of what it means to be a man.

If a man appropriates any feminine characteristics, his status is therefore decreased and his manhood is questioned. Thus men feel the need to be hypermasculine to compensate for their “flaws.” Women are expected to be of feminine embodiment, so where does that leave us? If men fear femininity for it lowers their status in society, then women must inherently be of lower status in the eyes of men operating through this misogynistic lens.

Not only are women subjugated by forced femininity but they also are deemed deviant if they assume masculinity. A woman cannot be assertive on the job or she’ll be seen as a bitch. A man on the other hand is just headstrong. A woman that has many sexual partners is considered a whore while a man under the same circumstances is praised.

So we can conclude two things: women not only have a glass ceiling in the workplace but in their day-to-day lives and femininity is non-negotiable as a norm for them.

The issue with the above-mentioned video is the fact that a man is telling us how we should behave. We don’t have self autonomy apparently and we must follow specific guidelines that not only forces us to try to follow beauty standards appeasing to men but also to behave in ways that will not overstep a man and his desired power.

Socially acceptable women must function to stay tolerable while men must fight for upward mobility and privilege. Are we not also ambitious people that can think for ourselves? Ladies, why do we allow society to force characteristics on us? Why must we feel shame for living in our own truths? The same goes for men. Why is femininity evil?

I would like to operate feminine of center and not feel forced to do so. I want to have a man that can skip down the road with our kids and not feel pressure for the way he plays. Femininity is beautiful but should not be limiting and concrete. The stratification of ascribed gender expression will continually contribute to the subjugation of women and inequity throughout our institutions.

L’lerrét Jazelle Ailith is a 20-year-old queer woman of trans* experience. She attends Xavier University of Louisiana and is majoring in Biology with a minor in Women’s Studies. Hailing from Baltimore, Maryland, L’lerrét has grown to appreciate the importance of fostering community and now dedicates herself to movements that eliminate barriers for marginalized people.